Being Current.


As I sit on my broken bed, with my spine against the wall and my bum going slightly numb due to lack of motion, I wonder.

I wonder about how insignificant this moment in time will be in a decades time. The amount of worry and stress we mount on our shoulders at this precise moment, may not even matter to the twenty-five year old me, so why do it?  Having to get through the 'coming of age' stage in life is shown as a struggle; through media, movies and stories told by older generations. A question ticking through my head is thus; when do we 'come of age'? If anything, we are always growing, living longer, getting older therefore, when do we 'come of age'? Is there ever a time in which we can stop and say 'I've become my age'?

The last few weeks have been an emotional struggle. The fear of failure mixed with self doubt has driven me near insanity. One's own dreams have been bashed by others and the thought of not getting there nibbles away at the already diminishing motivation I have. A drive from my heart steers me towards creativity yet, my current status in the world, shuts it down.

Since writing on my blog over a month ago, nothing has really changed. Life goes on as normal and the feeling of 'meh' is forever present. School is a factor in this. Despite having to absorb myself in work that I no long find interesting, I have to do it. We all have to do it. This is why, again I wonder, why do we take so long to do the things we don't want to do, when we could get them over and done with first? Being the procrastinating individual I am, I quickly noted, that we always do the things we love first, it's plainly obvious.

This is why, I think I have come to a sort-of-maybe-might decision about my post 16 options. Despite others deeming them for the 'dumb', I am thinking of  doing a Level 3 BTec. I want to be able to focus my studies on what makes my heart flutter. There would be no point trying to cram even more information into my already unfocused mind, that I may not be fully interested in.

I want to be able to create amazing movies and document the stunning world around us. I hope a way in which I can do this is through my education. Linking back, I think to myself that we are forever continuing to tick. We never stop until we die. Never let a blip in your life mean that you're over, finished or have 'given up' - the best wine is one that has matured over time.

We are all on the mission for personal success, don't feel alone. The pain will be over before you know it and the realization of better days at hand will be clear. Stay current and keep your head focused on NOW.

Hope you are all well,

Love from Anna x

This is me trying to be 'current'.

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