My Exisitential Crisis.22:14
I am a realist & no I am not Iggy.
I am a young, blunt realist who is currently having an existential crisis.
I cannot confide with myself until I fully understand and tell people what is going through my head - a momentious task that will take forever. Therefore, to put it short... I am, currently, having an existential crisis.
What is an existential crisis?
It's a hard concept to explain, if someone is not personally having one.
I am always in my 'own little world' and by this I do not mean a thought bubble where I am fighting Bowzer with a toothpick; come to think of it, that is pretty cool & sometimes I will think about those types of things too - but currently, no. It is a deeper puzzle, that involves the thought of death, the unclear future and the brilliant thought that there is no real purpous for human existance.
Some would say this makes me 'mental' or 'odd', call me what you wish but I will embrace it. See, I am not ill or in need of a therapist as I get a personal joy out of the unforseable future. It scares the living daylights out of me, yet there is a slight enjoyment. That is what keeps me going.
However, althought it is all well and good - me being in my own world, there are two drawbacks.
The first being that, my attention spam lasts for about a millersecond and in that time, I have to be fully engaged or nothing will be taken in. The second, is that my productivity becomes nil and void meaning I never feel the need to do anything as there is no real point.
What different thoughts does it involve?
As I stated, it is a portal of thoughts which are heald together by the metaphorical glue, which is the love of fear.
For example, I was in maths today and it struck me that there is no real purpous of life... 'apart from to reproduce', my mate stated... however even then you are creating another life, that will again be pointless.
Other thoughts inclued, what happens after we die? What if heaven doesn't exsist? and... Was religion created to keep the people sein?
For as long as I can remember, I have been asking deep questions. I remember lying flat on my mum and dads bed crying and saying that I was scared. When asked why, I would state that I was scared of dying and start thinking about what happens when you do go? or is there life on other planets? or is there and identical solar system in a parralel universe that is exactly like earth?
What does it all mean?
It means I am a deep thinker.
It means I am not weird nor odd.
It means I understand more.
It means if I could write my whole philosophy+ethics exam on 'The meaning of life' I would be more than happy.
There is, however an answer to all these points and a way to get out of existential crisis'...
We don't know what is around the corner. Something, that some find extreamly hard to deal with - it is like a theme park ride but with no health and safety, no fast track, no breaks or any cameras to take a mug of you screaming. Life is a fullout, no regrets, #yolo timeline. You have to just keep going.
I find it amazing how for billions of years, the human kid has exsisted despite the fact none of us know the real purpous for living. So surely, if human kind still exists - there is a reason for that.
I conclude that each one of us are gamblers - not the type to fly to Vagas, spend all ones lifes earnings and get married to the first women they see. But a gambler none the less. Simple. We have no idea what is to happen next just like someone who gambles.
If my old t-shirt with #yolo on the front states the truth, you only live one. Therefore, we must make it our life. My one aim, is to be happy. Again simple. No matter how many times I will say 'it's not my day', I want to be able to be happy for one thing each day. Be truly happy and smile for the sake of it.
Currently, I am having an exisitential crisis... Yet, currently, I am happy.
I know this is a hard concept to come to terms with however that is what makes me feel so alive. Possibly one day, Jesus or a time traveling walrus from the future will come to earth and explain it all. Maybe not?! We will never know.
Like the One Direction song states, we are only as young as we are now. The earth just gets older and time never stops. Moreover, we cannot let anything stop us from reaching our pull portential and to push for whatever we want. Life is a game for gamblers and we all happen to be at the cassino tonight.
This may be very relatable or you could stongly argee to keep me in a confined space for a while however either way, I am glad to have had expressed myself. People will either exept me for who I am, or judge me for what I am not.
No matter... like I always say,
Screw them, stay you
cus you are rad.
What are your deepest thoughts?